The Difference between Love and Lust in Fiction

When people talk about romance, they often use the words love and lust as though they’re interchangeable.

I don’t believe they are.

In fact, I think confusing the two has created some of the greatest misunderstandings—not only in fiction, but in real life.

As a romance author, I absolutely believe attraction has a place in every love story. Butterflies. Racing hearts. Awkward first conversations. Electric first kisses.

Those moments are wonderful because they’re real.

But they’re only the beginning.

The strongest love stories don’t end where attraction begins.

They begin where attraction learns to grow.

When I hear the word love, I don’t immediately think about romance.

I think about action.

One of the clearest pictures of love I’ve ever encountered isn’t found in a romance novel.

It’s found in sacrifice.

Real love isn’t simply something we feel. It’s something we choose.

Feelings come and go.

Some days they’re overwhelming. Other days they’re almost impossible to find.

Love continues anyway.

That’s why I don’t believe people truly “fall out of love.”

Feelings may change.
Circumstances certainly change.

But love is bigger than either of those things because, at its heart, love is an ongoing decision to seek someone else’s good.

Every romance begins somewhere.

Usually, it begins with attraction.

Someone catches our eye. Our pulse quickens. We smile a little more than usual.

That’s natural.

It’s part of being human.

The mistake isn’t attraction itself. The mistake is believing attraction is the destination.

Lust mistakes the beginning of love for the destination.

Love understands it’s only the first step of a much longer journey.

Lust lives for the moment.

Love lives for the future.

Sounds simplistically simple, doesn’t it? But it’s true. Lust is the momentary thrill that feels good right now. But love takes time, builds, and grows into something priceless for the years to come.

Yet perhaps one of the biggest differences between love and lust is the question each one asks.

Lust is intensely focused on the present.

It wants immediate gratification. Immediate excitement. Immediate pleasure.

That’s one reason it’s so easy to mistake for love.

It’s exciting.

It’s intoxicating.

It’s powerful.

But by itself, it doesn’t ask much of us except to keep chasing the next emotional high.

Love asks a different question.

How can I encourage you? Protect you? Support you? Serve you? Help you become the person God created you to be?

That’s why I often think of love as a long-term investment rather than a gamble.

Investments require patience.

Consistency.

Faithfulness.

You nurture them because you’re thinking about tomorrow—not merely today.

The same is true of love.

People sometimes ask how I approach romance in my novels.

The answer is surprisingly simple.

I write the whole journey.

I don’t skip the butterflies.
Or the flirting.
Or the anticipation.

Those moments are part of nearly every relationship.

To pretend otherwise wouldn’t feel authentic.

Chemistry matters.

It’s part of what first draws two people together.

What interests me most isn’t the attraction.

It’s watching that attraction mature.

Friendship.

Trust.

Respect.

Commitment.

Sacrifice.

Those are the things that convince me two characters genuinely belong together.

Whether it’s friends becoming lovers…

Or enemies slowly discovering respect…

…the romance feels believable because it grows rather than simply appears.

One of my favorite questions is this:

What makes someone worthy of being loved?

The older I get, the less I think the answer has anything to do with beauty, popularity, or success.

Real love asks us to become less selfish. More patient. More forgiving. More generous. More willing to listen.

In other words…

Love makes us better people.

Lust asks us to satisfy ourselves.

Love invites us to give ourselves away.

That’s why one deepens over time while the other eventually leaves us wanting more.

When readers finish one of my romances, I certainly hope they enjoy the chemistry.

I hope they laugh.

I hope they smile.

Maybe even cry a little.

But more than anything…

I hope they walk away believing that lasting love is still possible.

Not because it’s easy. Because it’s worth choosing.

Every day.

Love isn’t a gamble.

It’s a long-term investment.

And the strongest relationships aren’t built because two people never stop feeling butterflies.

They’re built because two people keep choosing each other long after the butterflies have learned to share the same home.

Love isn’t merely a feeling.

It’s a choice.

Again today.

Again tomorrow.

And that’s why I believe the greatest love stories never really end when two characters finally kiss.

They begin the moment they decide to keep loving one another after the final page.

And perhaps that's the best way I know to end this series.

If you’ve ever wondered why I write the stories I write, I hope these past four weeks have answered that question.

I write them because hope matters.

Because trauma should lead somewhere.

Because redemption gives the past a future.

And because love isn't merely a feeling. It’s a choice.

Those four ideas have found their way into nearly every novel I’ve written, regardless of genre or pen name. They’re the foundation beneath my stories, the reason I keep returning to characters who are broken, searching, and longing for something more.

Because if a story can leave a reader with even a little more hope than they had before they opened the book…

…then I believe it’s done something worthwhile.